Evalution (more confessions) - Part 4 of the series

I take some time these days to re-evaluate my life. I am interested in the similarities between Islam, Judaism and Christianity, and am glad that the city of Antwerp organised a wonderful exposition on the three great monotheistic faiths. I went to see to exposition with my wonderful girlfriend in the MAS Museum. I was heart-warming to see Muslims there at the exposition, who are otherwise sometimes neglected in society, often criminalised and even feared by the people in my country, because of the few who turn to extremism and terrorism, what I condemn for sure. I grew up between people of different believes, faiths and racial origins, from childhood, and have no problem with Muslim people. I respect Jews as well, however I was critical in the past because of the huge "collateral damage" during the war in Gaza. I hope for a Palestinian State for the people in Palestine as fast as possible, and once that is realised, I will stop my criticism considering Israel for what is happening is Gaza. In my country, I work through writing for the unification of people, of all believes, races, political backgrounds, classes, status and so on. It was heart-warming to see Muslims, Jews and Christians united at the exposition on the three religions in Antwerp. Not so long ago we had the event "Peace is the future" in Antwerp with many spiritual leaders in Antwerp advocating peace in the world, between religions and between people, so I am glad that there is so much positive activity on these subjects in my own city, and in Belgium, in a difficult time with wars going on in the world and terrorism rising up in some parts of the world. Politics in my country is evolving towards a very complex situation with a majority of the people in power of the flemish-nationalist party N-VA. Belgium is a country known for his struggle for political consensus, so I believe that everyone in politics soon shall realise that we are a country build on compromise.

I hope that the different political parties can work constructively together, and where there was a conflict recently on the subject of the collaboration during the Nazi-occupation in the second world war, I hope that all elected leaders can forgive what happened in the past and learn from those mistakes, and from history, in order not to repeat them. Even mister Bruno De Wever made his point by saying that we must evolve beyond the wounds and mistakes that happened in world war two, and that history is always manipulated and that the victor writes the history-books. I'm not a flemish-nationalist at all, but I hope that the people of that particular group can prove that they are beyond racism and extreme ideologies of the past, and that they respect human rights. Knowing people from all walks of life I talked with people from all walks of life, different political views, and it enriches  our lives to live in a pluralistic society. European and international law should protect our basic human rights for everyone, and no national state should destroy the basic human and social rights in Europe where people have been fighting for for decades. My approach in conflict is trying to look through the eyes of a possible opponent, in order to understand another worldview and opinion better. I am researching even on the second world war in order to try to understand how Hitler became such a power-mad eugenicist with the objective of destroying everyone who was not a perfect Aryan in his eyes. At the same time I try to do some research offered by Michael Tsarion in order to understand the second world war through the eyes of Germany. Realising that in history, religion, politics and many other fields, there is indeed manipulation of facts for power and money, so in order to get a total view of a certain subject, one must always look from many perspectives. Besides all of this, I remain a tolerant, pluralistic, holistic thinker who tries to respect everyone and work for constructive ends. It's a pity that the weakest members in society are so often neglected, even in the city of Antwerp I hear from people that the help for the poorest dimishes and some projects are not funded anymore. That's my main critic for our political Flemish and federal governments: be leaders for all the people of all classes and races. Spiritually, it is also my opinion that the Western esoteric traditions neglect Islam too much, what I see as an important world religion, as important as Buddhism, Christianity and Hinduism, but still so neglected by many folks in the West. Please stop the paranioa for Muslim people and unite people instead of the classical divide and conquer. Besides this I wish the best for our leaders in these difficult times, but never forget - even as a friend of a Rockefeller - I want to remind people to the fact that the top 1% enjoy all the positive things of our capitalist society, where the crisis was a major shift of money from the bottom towards the top, and that the middle and underclass, is played out against eachother, where the one demonises the other, whilst those who have everything at the top, have no troubles at all. I still hope that the powerful players amongs the riches do what they can for those who have less. The shift from investments in oil towards renewable energy by the Rockefeller family was a huge step into the right direction, I still hope for a major wealth redistribution in the future for the poorest among us, as the next step.

Looking back at my own life, it remains frustrating that I lost so much money and time because of periods of extreme bad health. I sometimes think about the esoteric Helena Blavatsky, who was sick for 50% of the time. Her spiritual fire asked too much of her physical body and she crashed regularly. Soon I have surgery in my cheek because of a benign tumor. A social assistent who knows me now for quite a long time advised to take my guitar back from under the dust and be creative again. I tried to complete some education programs but was always blocked by either my own bad health, or the accurance of severe (health) problems in my environment. I hope that I can be creative again soon after the surgery. As a person who grew up in poverty, both material and cultural in a way, I know - after years of research, experience, and volunteers work how difficult it is to overcome the problems you grew up with. I still work hard in order to evolve, however blocked by a poor health, but always full of positive energy and optimism. I'm re-studying a book on Aurobindo's integral yoga path and am at a point wandering through the void, still a little bit hoping to reach the endgoal, however often tested and blocked or delayed on my path. However I worked so hard on becoming a better, loving person, looking back and realising that I did most of the work myself, I have no family background that could do much more than offering a good education during my high school years. Many of the people in my family were working-class people, often poorly educated, however the newer generation tends to succeed in higher education. In my case, I had to count on myself and it's still difficult that most of my hard work, either as a volunteer for others, or in my personal life, is unseen for the world, so that many people might think that I don't grow at all or am only a lazy parasite.

I'm still hoping for the time that - as far as I hope - the newer generation will come with new values, new ways of life and new solutions for the problems we face. Until then I will remain on my spiritual path, entered there after years of extreme physical, emotional, mental and spiritual suffering and crises, still amazed by everything I can learn, and happy for the positive things that happen even during these difficult years of crisis. Silently, I hope that Alice Bailey was right in here writings on spiritual discipleship and I hope to see some things manifested in society where many of the invisible helpers of society worked for and dreamed of. I'm very critical for New Age thinking, I don't believe that paradise will descend on Earth soon - out of nothing. If we want a better world collectively, it will be through hard work collectively, and step by step. In the end we are still in what the Hindu calls Kali Yuga, the Iron or Dark Cycle, however we are still in a smaller golden cycle where spiritual knowledge is still available. A Belgian Hindu adviced me to move on with my evolution as much as possible, because at a certain point this little golden period will be over and Kali Yuga will make the human race degenerate more and more in virtue, lawlessness will occur more and more as Kali Yuga goes on, and spiritual day one day in the future will only be seen as outcasts, after the small golden age period is over and spiritual devotees will disappear forever from the earth, the same with the knowledge. This is what Hindu sages teach us. As long as we still are in the small golden age in the lager dark cycle, we can do as much as we can to evolve indivually and collectively towards a higher standard of living. Our own heart and consciouss is what we can use as a truth-detector, because we must never forget the warnings of spiritual teachers in the past, and never be deceived by false teachings, false paths of initiation, false gurus, spiritual deception, corrupted religions because of money and power involved, and use our intellect as well to investigate everything and filter the nonsense out of it as far as possible. In the end I hope that Alice Bailey is true at least when she is writes :

The Path of Discipleship is a difficult one to tread, and the Path of Initiation harder still; an initiate is but a battle-scarred warrior, the victor in many a hard-won fight; he speaks not of his achievements, for he is too busy with the great work in hand; he makes no reference to himself or to all that he has accomplished, save to deprecate the littleness of what has been done. Nevertheless, to the world he is ever a man of large influence, the wielder of spiritual power, the embodier of ideals, the worker for humanity, who unfailingly brings results which succeeding generations will recognise. He is one who, in spite of all this great achievement, is seldom understood by his own generation. He is frequently the butt of men's tongues, and frequently all that he does is misinterpreted; he lays his all—time, money, influence, reputation, and all that the world considers worth while—upon the altar of altruistic service, and frequently offers his life as a final gift, only to find that those whom he has served throw his gift back to him, scorn his renunciation, and label him with unsavory names. But the initiate cares not, for his is the privilege to see somewhat into the future, and therefore he realises that the force he has generated will in due course of time bring to fulfilment the plan; he knows also that his name and effort are noted in the archives of the Lodge, and that the "Silent Watcher" over the affairs of men has taken notice.

Besided that God only knows the future and the Truth. I learn a lot through Aurobindo's yoga, but I am still learning, questioning everything, even some esoteric and occult traditions, hoping to survive and at least be a constructive force in society on the long run. It's often a lonely road where I have put myself on, but once started one must either fight until the end, or crash on the road with periods of insanity or even physical death as a possible consequence when one fails on the Path. I hope for the best, knowing that through my writings and music I was able to help others with information and offering joy through music, and I will accept the advise of the social worker who visits me every two weeks, who told me to try to create again in the future.

"Optimism is a moral duty" - Sir Karl Popper

Let us never forget these last words of wisdom :

"The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much it is whether we provide enough for those who have little."

Franklin D. Roosevelt

So far, so good, I am not a politician, just a spiritual creative mind and that is my main concern and focus. After my dark night of the soul, I entered a kind of emotional void, a certain kind of emptiness that is not the emptiness we feel when we go through a depression, but more a kind of intermediate periode of lack of ambition to do much, there is almost no turmoil or turbulence in the inner emotional life, and my girlfriend sometimes thinks that I have no emotions. I do have emotions, in fact I experience a lot of things very vividly when something terrible happens in my life, in the lives of the ones I love, or in the world, but I remain more and more in the Witness consciousness of the causal mind. Satprem writes in the book on Aurobindo that this feeling of an empty inner void is a difficult intermediate period before the more Supramental or Cosmic Consciousness can become an everyday reality. I sometimes complained that I have chosen the Path of the buddhisattva, because there is a lot of suffering involved in that life, that much that I often wanted to switch towards the struggle for Nirvana and disappear completely in bliss, but my sense of responsability for the world always made me fight to stay on that path and recognise the felt pain and suffering, of myself and of humanity, as part of the journey. Step by step I have periods of complete inner peace, bliss and rest, but they are states, not stages. These states come and go, they are not a constant reality yet. In periods of great difficulties I use the Hare Krishna and the Gayatri Mantra's, as well as the Great Compassion mantra from buddhism. In the end our consciousness has to become filled with Peace, Freedom, Power, Light, Knowledge and Ananda. Equanimity and joy are very important, even if we go through hardships, and we must never forget the value of humor and a good joke from time to time. God has some humor, if you ask me!

Everything is evolving. The wisdom of the Ancient Mysteries is coming back through theosophy and is available through the internet. Freemasonry in my country is evolving and asking itself question for the future of the Craft, where I hope that the focus will be on the passing of the knowledge through the rituals, in order to iniate members into the ancient mysteries, and leave the focus on worldy power and (political influence). That doesn't mean that freemasonry should not allow powerful people, but the focus must be on becoming better men. I also hope that women will be allowed in the future of the craft and that the wars and conflicts between the regular and irregular lodges will end in the future. The Catholic Church is evolving as well, asking itself important questions, and I hope that they will evolve towards a spirituality in the Church that is up-to-date for the 21st century, beyond age old rigid dogma's, and that everyone will be welcome who wants to follow the Catholic Christian path, gays and lesbians included. It has been said that the Catholic Church will adapt the 1 st esoteric initiation in the future as the greatest event of Holiness in the churchlife, and Freemasonry will still be an important organisation for passing knowledge through ritual in order to make better men and women (hopefully) of its members. In this Kali Yuga, a lot of the purity of the mysteries, the true message of Christ, and the purity of the initiations within freemasonry has became slightly lost, corrupted and misused. Even in my own life I experience how difficult it is to live a true, pure and authentic spiritual life in our modern, Western, capitalist society. For the coming period, as we evolve towards the Aquarian age, I hope that the purity of all of this will be restored, that all of spirituality will remember its roots and origins, that freemasonry will evolve beyond interests of worldy power, but instead that the focus will be in the first place on the spiritual work. All power-play and egoistic money-based motives are destructive if it comes to spiritual, ethical and moral evolution. As a former die-hard rock 'n roller during my early twenties, I realised how difficult it was to eliminate a lot of unnecessary influences out of my life, and I am still working on it, but the confidence, inner peace and strength and joy are finally coming a part of my consciousness, even in the midst of health struggles, attacks and bad wills from society, and the misunderstandings. Everything that knocks us down can be an object to work on and transform, until we always handle and work from a state of inner peace and joy. I'm still learning, am far from perfect, but inspired as never before, hoping the best for the world, loving mankind beyond any doubt.

After the surgery, I intend to work on some new poetry and music, if possible, if there is inspiration available. All what blocks me from further evolution, will hopefully one day dissolve and won't stop me anymore. As the Buddha said: "At the end of the road is freedom, till then patience".

Satprem writes :

The sunlit space where all is for ever known.

If, even for one second in a lifetime, we have felt this Sun within, this flame, this living life – for there are so many dead lives – then everything changes for us; all memories pale before that memory. It is the Memory. If we are faithful to this burning Agni, it will grow ever stronger, like a living being in our flesh, like a relentless need. It will feel increasingly compact within us, pressing, poignant, like something that cannot burst out: A terrible sensation that something restricts your sight and your movements; you try to force the passage, but to no avail, says Mother. Then, one day, through sheer need, sheer resolve, or sheer agony of feeling that imprisonment, the psychic tension will reach its breaking point, and we will have the experience: The pressure becomes so great, the intensity of the question so strong that something in the consciousness shifts. Instead of being outside looking in, you are inside; and the moment you are inside, absolutely everything changes completely. All that used to appear true, natural, normal, real, tangible, at once appears totally grotesque, funny, unreal, and absurd. You have touched something supremely true and eternally beautiful; and this, you will never again lose. "O Fire, when thou art well borne by us thou becomest the supreme growth and expansion of our being, all glory and beauty are in thy desirable hue and thy perfect vision. O Vastness, thou art the plenitude that carries us to the end of our way; thou art a multitude of riches spread out on every side." (Rig Veda III.1.12) True life awakens as if we had never seen the light of day before: Place the prism on one side, says Mother, and the light is white; turn it over, and the light is broken up. Well, this is exactly what happens; you restore the white. In the ordinary consciousness everything is broken up, and now you restore the white. Mother also described the experience this way: You are seated before a closed door, as it were, a heavy bronze door, and you are there wishing it would open to let you pass to the other side. So all your concentration, all your aspiration is gathered up in a single beam, which begins to push and push against that door, to push harder and harder, with increasing energy, until suddenly the door gives way. And you enter, as if thrust into the light.

Then one is truly born.

The hellfire of punishment where has been talked about in Islam and Christinity is all based on a God that punishes and it spreads fear. Here Agni or the sacred fire is more a cleansing, joyful and of an encouraging nature and has an evolutionary purpose, as pandit Gopi Krishna teaches us. It is the mystic kundalini that awakens as a force of nature and that purifies all karma, and forces one to evolve. That the body, mind and spirit might experience disease, crisis and emotional turmoil is all a result of the kundalini force at work. The body sometimes can't take the force what might result in disease of the physical body, and the subconsciousness must be freed from fears, trauma's, neuroses and complexes, so it is a difficult journey, but at the end of the road the pure inner joy awaits. I'm only getting glimpses of this final stage in the form of peak experiences of pure bliss, as Abraham Maslow, the psychologist would call them, but it keeps me going. A difficult childhood full of trauma resulted in mental breakdowns, periods of psychosis who had a strong visionary aspect, with the vision of Christ's crucifixion once, as I wrote before. I sometimes was plunged into extreme fear and psychosis was the result, but the only way out was through meditation, yoga, study of the wisdom traditions, the religions and the mysteries, and now I know for sure that I did the right thing.

The benefits of yoga and meditation for the mental health field

It takes a lot of discipline and will-power not to crash on the way towards a certain kind of balance and liberation, and our present mental health system needs to get to know ancient wisdom and learn to master the inner worlds if it wants to understand and heal its patients better in the future. The emergence of transpersonal psychology is a tremendous step forward. I strongly recommend the documentary on the subject for further study as well as the work of psychologist John Weir Perry who understood and studied the archetypal material of the subconsious mind and the evolutionary potential of an altered state like psychosis. I believe that coming to the gnosis of the mind and psyche for everyone who gets through periods of mental distress like psychosis or a bipolar period with moodswings, is the missing link for the present academical psychology, with its biological pharmacological drug-based model. As yoga teaches us, one will be moved by the waves of the ocean when the storm appears, but through yoga and the centering of the mind in the part that observes and is always stable and untouched, one can survive these storms and become stronger on the road. Yoga requires an iron balance based on a diamond will, and often mental crises forces people on the path of higher evolution through shamanism, yoga, mindfulness meditation and the study of the theoretical background of all of this. Since my early twenties I experienced lots of troubles, but it only get better and better with me, thanks to the neverending study and practice of the difficult integral yoga developed by Aurobindo, but one needs a balance like a rock and never stop practicing. Behind all arising problems and difficulties is that ever-present awareness that is pure joy, pure bliss, and pure awareness. The study of the transmental, postrational states and stages of consciousness is a very important task for future psychiatrists and psychologist. The work of Aurobindo might be a good thing to start with.